Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
