happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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