his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
