Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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