I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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