someone owes me an orgasm
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
