I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
