Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
