I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
