So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
