Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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