Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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