No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
why is half of my head shaved?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
