think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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