Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
