the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
