hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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