Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
