I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
