well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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