Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
