I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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