Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
