I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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