I love black thongs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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