i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
