We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
