I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
