based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
