I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
