So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
