someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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