A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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