She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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