Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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