You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
