Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im holly from the hills drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
