We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
