my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
