Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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