Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
