your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
