How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
