I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
