New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
