Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
