You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
