We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
