I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
