I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
