Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
