I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
