just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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