If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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