so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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