mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
