im holly from the hills drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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