Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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